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McSWEENEY'S

THE NEW YORKER

Types of Acting Still Permitted Under SAG-AFTRA's Strike Rules

Excerpts from Ina Garten's 'Anarchist Cookbook'

We're Sorry, You Can't Join Our Street Gang Because You Don't Know Ballet

I’m the Judge Who Approved the Custody Arrangement in The Parent Trap, But in My Defense, I Didn’t Think They Would Go to the Same Camp

Oprah's Tell-All Interviews with Other Princesses

Excerpts from the Sex and the City Revival in Which Samantha Is Replaced with Fran Lebowitz

The Nativity Pageant Cast List That Ensures Every Child Has a Role

We Must Stop Democrats From Stealing This Election by Trying to Count Votes

Billy Joel’s “Scenes From an Italian Restaurant That Closed Due to Coronavirus”

I Keep Checking My Mailbox for My Stimulus Check, But I’m Only Getting Time-Traveling Letters from Keanu Reeves in The Lake House

I Don’t Think a Woman Is Electable In 2020 Because Last Time Around the Female Nominee Only Got Three Million More Votes Than Her Opponent

“Cancel Culture” Is Dangerous Because Everybody Deserves Redemption and the Right to Work, Except Actresses Who Turn 40

I Haven’t Even Started Thinking About Running for President in 2020, Despite What Those Campaign Buttons I Made Might Suggest

Donald Trump Reinterprets Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides, Now”

Billy Joel Plays “Piano Man” for the First Time At the Bar He Based the Song On

Other Elton John Songs That Donald Trump Uses to Refer to World Leaders

Here at Fox News We Have No News to Report, So Enjoy These Images of Tropical Fish

Female-Only Wonder Woman Screenings Are Trying to Radicalize Our Women to Fight With Their Forearms

Without a Free Press Where Would I Get Real Housewives Episode Recaps?

I’m Not Stuck in a Liberal Bubble Anymore Because I Just Watched All Five Seasons of Friday Night Lights

THE ONION

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